I never understood unconditional love until you came. I never believed in the great power of the heart to give love and spread love. I never realized that it is possible to love people before you even meet them.
Your entry into my life came at a stage when I lined up so many opportunities for myself. I was — and still am — driven, ambitious and focused. And then, you happened. Although I was terrified about how to be a mother, it seemed that my inner tenderness shined and managed to do wonders to our little family. It was not easy and I had my shares of down times when I asked myself if I am ready to be your Mama. But you two are too cute and too adorable; it was impossible not to fall inlove with you.
I was so scared to touch the first time I saw you. I was afraid my chubby fingers will crush you when I gave you a bathe on your first day at home. It was awkward when the woman from the nursery taught me how to breastfeed you. Your Dad worked a lot to transform me into the kind of mother that I am now.
I am not perfect. I know you know that because you told me several times to stay home. But I am stubborn and Nanay has reasons to go out; reasons you won’t understand now but reasons I hope to share to you in the years to come.
But I do wish I could spend more time with you and carry you both at the same time when you ask me to. I do wish I can tuck you in bed every night and sing “Wheels of the Bus” and “Baa Baa Black Sheep.” I do wish I can easily explain to you why I need to work. Sometimes, your questions are out of this world that I don’t know how to answer them. Every day is a challenge to remind myself that it’s okay for me not to have answers to all of your questions. I’ll get back to them in a day or two – or maybe when you’re 22.
By now, you know your shapes, colors, alphabet and numbers. Nicholas, you can recite five storybooks; Antoinette, you have more than eight songs in your repertoire. You are smart, beautiful, fantastic children and I could not even begin to emphasize how much grateful I am to Heavenly Father for granting my prayer.
I prayed for you when I was still six years old.
I asked the Lord that one day, when I’m old enough to be a mother myself, I’d like to have twins because I knew then my heart – although often times hesitant and guarded – is capable of loving two babies at the same time.
Twenty years later, guess what Heavenly Father gave me? Two wonderful creatures who made the transition from maidenhood to motherhood really worth it.
I pray that this year, we will be successful in our potty training endeavor. I pray for less screen time and more time for you to run and read. I pray for more date days with you, your Dad and your brother Jeffrey.
I pray that you will continue to love, support and think of each other. The love that you manifest is more than words can say and I am so grateful for this rare privilege to be called your “Nanay” even when sometimes I don’t deserve to be called one.
I love you Nicholas and Antoinette.
You two will always be the world’s best pair.
Happy 4th Birthday my loves.
